happy birthday adrian!!! =) (though i dun think he will be reading this.. haha..)

i am thinking..

what will happen after i graduate??

i can only imagine me wearing the graduation suit walking around the school compound taking pictures.. perhaps forcing yeeling who will be taking her final year to take pictures with me.. and taking pictures with the others whom i had spent the 3 years in SIM with.. haha.. enjoy the thought that i could get the SIM bear (but must buy de..=() and the flowers i will have when i was having my graduation day in 2007.. haha... then that will be great.. hehe..

*well,it is only because we had seen our seniors wearing the graduation suits walking around in the school compounds,taking pictures that i can imagine that.. perhaps it might not happen to me if i choose not to or cant go for it.. but i guess it will at least be a goal for me to look forward to (really?) after my 3 years in SIM..*

but where will i be in less than 2 years' time,after i graduate? working? at where?? as what??? will i be doing good?? having high salaries?? most importantly,will i be enjoying my work?? or will i be striving hard to survive in the company etc?? and what if i am doing business?? will i be successful?? will i be able to be doing something i like??

i wonder.

sometimes i wonder what is my meaning of existence in this world.. what is the purpose of me surviving til now?? i mean what is the aim,the meaning of living?? i think i am lost.. perhaps i should be finding some time for some counselling or perhaps some sort of self-reflection..

to be honest,i have no idea why i am pursuing a degree.. so what if i have a degree? it is just some sort easier for people to find a job easier.. but how far will it bring me? very far?? i doubt so.. furthermore,i am only taking external program from UOL,dont even know how much will it be recognised.. from what i know,SIM and Stanfield are providing such courses in Singapore.. and perhaps there are quite a lot of people who take that course,from part time to full time.. but is it really recognised in singapore though it is a UK degree? i wonder.

and if i were to be an entrepreneur,i doubt i even have the quality since i am risk adverse.. haha.. but if i were to have my business,would all those that i had learnt in the process of pursuing a degree help me? in some cases,would there be any benefits of me working instead of studying for just a cert?? perhaps gaining job experience may be more important then..

sometimes i think there is no meaning to life,to studies.. everybody is sort of living to compete to fight,is this really what we are supposed to do? from the most basics,fighting for food,shelter and water to the most complicated,fight for rights,equality and perhaps a position in the company,the parliament,etc.. fighting to be the best.. but how do we know who is the best? the fittest survive.. so how many are we going to sacrifice before we know who is the fittest?

how do we compare? how do we know if a person is good? isnt it always the evilness in a person that will bring out the goodness of another?? isnt it because in places of darkness,then we can see the power of light no matter how dim it was?? like a match in a dark cave? isnt it in places where there is fear,are we able to differentiate the cowards and the brave warriors??however,isnt it the actions of some timid people that bring out the fearlessness of others..

by comparing,when will it ever end? is this really what we aim for our existence --comparison? is there any true meaning in such existence??

perhaps i havent really find the purpose of life,the meaning of existence..

ps.i realised,people tend to think more in exams period.. when they are alone.. perhaps that was the only time they are weak and yet able to face it themselves.. contradicting?? dun understand?? never mind.. it is just all crap.. haha..