janice, xiaojia and weilun are in the examination hall doing their AF paper now... and here i am blogging.. well,i should be studying my POB.. but anyway,just suddenly felt like blogging..

recently,it seems that alot of people around me are having some difficult times.. including me.. life wasnt easy with exam stress as well as some other forms of stress which i had add for myself.. stupid aint i? now the problem is that everytime when i was in trouble or problem,she will be there to help me,cheer me up.. though i had no reaction whenever she do that coz for that moment i reallie forgot how to smile at her lame jokes (yesh very lame.. haha..) or even said a "haha".. if i did said "haha" i will be like very fu yan her leh.. i was grateful that there was this special person who will try to cheer me up or be there for me.. although there are times when she was stumped by my actions and she didnt do much to help me.. but i appreciate her efforts.. :)

but,i think she is in some kind of problems herself.. i dunnoe if it was stress or wad.. but somehow,i felt like a failure that i cant do anything to motivate her to study.. but luckily she got another close friend who finally 骂醒 her to make her study and go for the stats exam.. if it were me,i wouldnt have done that.. i most prob wont scold her.. and sort of let her be.. aint i bad? am i evil? like sort of 见死不救..

to be serious,i dunnoe what to tell her.. especially when she told me she had no mood to study.. and would like to just go and apply a job as an air-stewardess.. i know being an air-stewardess is her dream job.. so i cant expect myself to tell her to forget about it rite? though i know at this point of time she should be studying hard for her exam.. but if she dun even have the mood to open her books,i cant expect to be the one forcing her to go and get a book to read rite? i just wasnt that convincing to tell her to go study and do well for her exams.. especially since i wasnt totally sure about the problems she was going through.. and there are many times we have different perceptions of things.. she did made me see things her way.. but i dun think she will ever see things in my way.. perhaps that was the reason why i wasnt able to convince her to studying..

another friend of mine was facing some lost identity in love.. she had no idea if she reallie did like that guy.. well.. in this cases,most of the time,it is just 好感 ba.. maybe sometimes it is just ourself wanting to fall in love that made us lost and confused about our feelings with some people.. i see things through finally after so long..but i cant help her.. i am lost.. i just cant explain the things to her.. our cases seems so different.. perhaps some day she will see things through herself.. perhaps..

and there was one whose parents are not on good terms and he seems disturbed by it.. i cant help him either.. and by telling me what happened didnt solve the problem.. neither does it lighten to heavy "burden" on him.. just felt so useless..

perhaps this is wad my friends felt when they couldnt bring me out of the dark pit.. or perhaps they dun even think so much like me.. haha..

hai~ aint i a failure? sometimes i just see myself as a failure as a friend to others.. why cant i help them with their problems? and sometimes i even created more problems to them via my sudden moodswings.. maybe i am truly a failure.. perhaps..

but for now.. it should be time for me to convince myself into studying now.. at least try not to be a failure in terms of studies.. now it is a nice cooling weather to sleep,quite tempted to but.. i must perserve for this last paper--POB.. wish me luck.. =)