headin down to SIM tml..no idea what to expect since i am goin alone into this brand new school..it's just like when i went to temasek secondary school..i was the only girl..and the other 2 person are in different class as i am..i am amazed at myself for adaptin so quickly..doubt i can do the same now..

my expressions are written on my face,one of my students told me..i guess so..couldn't conceal myself..wish i was a clown..with a happy face and not show any anger,any sadness and life would be a better place for all..i was too "revealing" as in my feelings..everything i felt was on my face..is that supposed to be good?or bad?

i felt old..i felt as if i have been through a lot..but i haven't..at least not the worst..i think..i got friends who have been through horrors..i felt old being with those kids..mayb i am..but i won't admit it..=P

how i wish i was 18 every year..haha..

got this from my fren..she said i am a worrier so gotta read this..

Women fret more than men, and the result can be disabling
By MARILYN ELIAS
Gannett News Service

A friend makes a rude remark, and you brood about his nerve all day. The boss is irritable, so you dissect every word she says, wondering if it means something bad for you. Lingering problems with spouses, children who get C's instead of A's, aging parents with poor health - they're all grist for thinking and thinking.

If a little thinking is good, a lot is better, so we think. But that's wrong, insists psychologist Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, whose groundbreaking research shows the downside of stewing over life's issues. It amplifies sadness, makes problems harder to solve and alienates others.

The dangers of overthinking don't strike the sexes equally: Women ruminate more, Nolen-Hoeksema says. Her new book, Women Who Think Too Much (Henry Holt, $24), tells why overthinking occurs, why it hurts people and how to stop.

"What you think is what you feel," says Rosemarie Poverman, a Manasquan-based psychotherapist. "Overthinking is a form of worrying."

She says that thinking through problems is not necessarily a bad thing.

"If you have a lot of problems, you may well spend some time working on them," Poverman says.

School worries

But ruminating, or stewing over them, can border on obsessive thinking, she adds.

In South Jersey, Shannon Molony of Pennsauken concedes she worries.

"School, mostly," says 19-year-old student at William Paterson University in Wayne. "I stress out with grades and stuff." She sometimes redirects her anxiety by talking to friends and writing poetry.

Martina Grant of Camden says she doesn't fret. A member of a close family, she takes comfort in knowing she and relatives are there for one another. And she walks at Cooper River Park in Pennsauken.

"It's a stress reliever," says the 40-year-old Grant, who has a medical transportation business. "It helps me feel healthy. Plus, I want to lose some weight."

But too many women apparently obsess.

About 20 years ago, psychologist Nolen-Hoeksema's studies began to show that women often fall into what she calls "endless analysis of the past, present and future." If they're upset, they tend to call friends who hold a magnifying glass to every little angle. At the first sign of a problem, men head out for a game of pickup basketball or other distractions. "Later," they say.

So who's better off?

Men vs. women

Women are about twice as likely as men to develop depression. But women who act more like men - distracting themselves first and then plotting solutions - have the same depression rate as men. "This is not all about ruminating," says Nolen-Hoeksema, a University of Michigan professor.

Biology, upbringing, social and economic factors all may contribute to women's depression. But overthinking is a destructive habit that can be changed.

"Just because you think it, doesn't mean it's true," says Marci G. Fox, a cognitive therapist based in Marlton. Cognitive-behavioral therapy emphasizes the crucial role of thinking in how we feel and what we do.

Fox notes some people tend to overestimate the risk, likelihood and severity of bad stuff happening, and underestimate their coping resources.

"Feelings aren't facts," says the 35-year-old clinical psychologist. Worriers, says Fox, need to ask themselves: "What's the data?"

She recalls one patient worried about losing her job in a down economy. But, says Fox, "There was lots of evidence that she wouldn't get laid off."

During the work crisis, the client objectively analyzed her job skills in the organization. She also networked with former job associates and contacted recruiters, translating her negative worry into positive action.

Put worry off

Ultimately, says Fox, "She kept her job, and she also recognized how valuable she was, and she was able to negotiate a competitive salary."

Poverman says that while it may not be accomplished instantly, some people need to make real the advice found in what often is called "The Serenity Prayer" - to change the things you can, accept the things you can't, and have the ability to know the difference.

The goal isn't to suppress or deny problems, Nolen-Hoeksema says. Dozens of studies show that pulling away temporarily, then strategizing, produces the best outcome for problems and mental health.

Depressed patients often overthink, agrees Constance Wood, a Houston psychologist. "You hear a lot of 'What did he really mean by that? Why did he say it to me and not her?' "

In 35 years, she's treated more women overthinkers than men, but adds: "Men raised in some kinds of homes may do it, too. For example, an only male child who's doted on and constantly monitored can become a ruminator."

Parents encourage the expression of sadness and anxiety more in girls than boys, Nolen-Hoeksema says. They also pay more attention when girls feel sad or anxious, which reinforces it, she says.

But that's not the only reason many girls grow up to become fretters. Chronic hassles, the "too much on your plate" kind, fuel overthinking, and working mothers know all about that. Women often are reared "to base their self-esteem and well-being too much on what others think of them," says Nolen-Hoeksema, so they agonize over this more than men do.

Also, they're more affected by events in others' lives, "so they have more to ruminate about."

Gender differences

Sex differences in overthinking are largest during young adulthood and smallest after 65, when both men and women ruminate the least. Psychologists aren't sure if baby boomers will do less fretting in their old age, or if today's elderly stew less because they gained perspective by living through hard times.

Sex difference seems to surface early, studies show. By age 11, girls are ruminating more than boys. They brood over things that depend on other people's opinions, are harder to figure out and don't trouble boys as much: Do people like them? Are they pretty?

Overthinkers can minimize or stop it if they're determined, Nolen-Hoeksema says in her book. Some overthinkers keep toy "Stop" signs in their desks or purses as a reminder to limit pondering.

Others schedule "overthink" times and find the wait gives needed perspective. Many have discovered new solutions, or at least limited their "fret" time, by writing about problems, meditating or praying. Sometimes people need new friends, "people who will problem-solve with them and not indulge in worrying sessions," Nolen-Hoeksema says.

Unrealistic expectations must go and forgiveness must supplant the desire for revenge. Reasonable goals are the key to preventing rumination, she concludes. "Women often hang onto impossible goals in relationships, including the goal of making everyone around them happy."

Take the fret test

Are you an overthinker? To find out, take this test from Women Who Think Too Much, by Susan Nolen-Hoeksema. Answer often, always, never, almost never or sometimes to the following statements:

1. I think about how alone I feel.
2. I think about my feelings of fatigue or achiness.
3. I think about how hard it is to concentrate.
4. I think about how passive and unmotivated I feel.
5. I think, "Why can't I get along?"
6. I go over and over a recent situation, wishing it had gone better.
7. I think about how sad or anxious I feel.
8. I think about all my shortcomings, failings, faults and mistakes.
9. I think about how I don't feel up to doing anything.
10. I think, "Why can't I handle things better?"

If you answered never or almost never to all of these, or sometimes to one or two, you're probably not overthinking. If you answered often or always to more than three of these, then you may be an overthinker.

i think i am the overthinker..haha..opps..any ways to stop it??